Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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