you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Be still, my beating vagina.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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