ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
