batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
