Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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