Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
