oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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