I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
