Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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