Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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