My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
D3 body, D1 cock
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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