My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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