You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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