Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
