Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
