i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
