Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
