Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
COCAINE IS GR8
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
