Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
