The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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