Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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