that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I wanna passion pit in your ass
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
