y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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