I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
