just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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