So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
