i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
