Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
