Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
