Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
