I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
