was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
