I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
