Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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