I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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