I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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