This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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