If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
