paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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