Ketchup is God's man juice
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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