The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
