so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
