I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
