I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
