I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
