worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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