"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
