Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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