the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
