i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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