haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
