I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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