Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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