When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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