so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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