That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
