You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
