Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
