He is such a slut. More and more my type.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
